Leah Hill Coaching

How much does expectation shape our achievements?  Some people find that expectations are like elephant weights on their shoulders, and cannot bear it.  Others, use it as the challenge that motivates them to succeed at their goals. What is the best way for you to handle or navigate expectations?

Expectations are confusing.  When expectations are connected to other people we often don’t exactly know what is expected of us, but can assume.  When expectations are connected to ourselves, the same can be said about not quite knowing what we want, we just know it is different from where we are currently.   This is when CLARITY becomes very important.  The next step is how to seek clarity.

When we are ‘expected’ to do something, it isn’t always common to spend some time discussing what the vision is or what the asking person expects.  We usually ‘jump, then ask how high.” in our need to please, keep the peace or just get the job done, even if we are unsure of the specifics.  This can cause a lot of grief, resentment, impatience  and martyrdom.  A space where a lot of us don’t thrive in happiness.  This is also a time when you hear people analyze a past situation and label it as “it was a communication breakdown”.  Not far off the mark, but can so easily be remedied.

At first most people will use avoidance to remedy their battle with expectation.  Canceling engagements, not showing up, being forceful in how they want to complete the task or sabotaging the relationship, guaranteeing to never be enlisted again!  This comes at such a huge cost, and the repair also takes huge amounts of energy.  So how can clarity of expectations be sought out in a more positive manner… by asking ‘what are you wanting to have happen?’.

This can be a scary zone for a lot of people.  Mainly because they are unsure of the reaction they will get when they ask “what do you need?  How did you want me to help? I can give you assistance with X but wanted to let you know that I have X to do as well.”  What will probably happen the first time you say those words, is surprise, maybe a little shock (especially if you are the kind of person who has always done everything all the time without ever communicating about it!).  Some people may appear frustrated or get angry…. take a deep breathe, because this is a good spot to be.  How?  Now you get a chance to communicate

You will instantly be brought back to the years when you were first learning to talk… and use your words.  Many people get stumped when faced with this position, because they may not know what words to use or filter through the emotion.  Here are some suggestions.  “I want to be able to do this for/with you, so if you can give me more detail ‘why’ then I will understand better.”  “the timing isn’t great, but here is when it is great and I can be ready”.  and “I am not sure what you need from me. Can you explain so I understand better.”

Being able to ask for clarity is a little like public speaking.  The first time you ask someone for more information, explanation or clarity, is terrifying.  But the more you practice it, the better you become at asking/seeking what you need and soon it becomes natural and not intimidating.  It will also build your confidence in yourself, in knowing what you need and how to share that information with others.  The more we learn about ourselves, and share that information, the less guesswork and expectations play a role in our lives.

Happy seeking Clarity!

I have always heard that phrase, and often, have said it to people.  What does it mean?  One word… BALANCE.  Again, what does balance mean?  Now we can start to have a deeper discussion of how to implement ‘everything in moderation’.

When people do things in extremes, there is always a pay out.  For example, athletes dedicated to their sport, may be the best in their field, but can suffer long lasting injuries or severe burn out of their sport.  Or individuals who work long hours, give up personal/ family time, in order to achieve higher monetary gains.  These behaviors are supported by motivational marketing, and societal beliefs about what ’success’ is.  When we chase the illusion of success, we lose balance.

I think about our experiences in life like filling your bookshelf.  We also need to determine our bookends.  Those are the extreme experiences, that help to set our parameters of where our comforts and discomforts are.  Life isn’t about doing the same thing all the time, or we would be lopsided!  And our books would fall over   When a person experiences an event to their maximum, on either side of a spectrum, the ultimate is to  settle somewhere in the middle.  That is finding your balance.  And it is good to emphasize that when we change a behavior, it isn’t necessarily true that we would then do the exact opposite behavior, but more so change our thought or perception of that  original behavior, which will allow our action to become more balanced and fulfilling.

The first thing to do is to determine what you love about life.  Again, sounds easier than done.  But in order to find balance in your life, you MUST begin exploring your inner happiness.  Someone once asked me “How do you re-charge? Where is your ‘happy’ place?”  That was an easy answer, because I have a few gems that bring back my energy… and you can too.

To kick start your creativity of what you would like to add to your re-charge list, I will share a few of mine   Read a fictional novel.  Hot bath.  20 minute nap.  trail ride on my grocery bike or mtn. bike.  Create a block or two for a quilt.  Go to the gym for a workout.

If you have a few things on your list, you will never be limited on how to re-charge yourself.  Regardless of time, location, and resources, you will always have a ‘happy’ place. You will then be able to go about your next step with more awareness and clarity.  Learn to be aware of why you are doing something, and for what reason.  This will connect you with your inner balance.

Living Life In:Creases ~ Leah

Your answers will be there!  No matter how many times I experience having my questions or inquiries being answered by the Universe, I am in awe.  A new angle on each lesson is revealed louder than the previous time…and I believe more and more that we can manifest our thoughts into reality.  Hmmm, so why doesn’t everyone do this?  Well they do… but what is coming true, isn’t what they necessarily want, but it is what they are thinking about.  That is the power of our thoughts.  So why not think about what you do want instead of what you don’t want.  A small example of this is driving up to a green traffic light, and saying “don’t turn red”, then it turns red.  Instead, try saying “stay green, stay green!” and see how happy you are when it stays green   Now, if it does turn red, then this becomes a really good time to see the up side of not making the light…. the choice is yours, between anger/annoyance, or acceptance/patience.

Now back to thinking about what you want.  3 things need to happen: Think it, realize it, and receive it. Thinking can be a challenge, as most people think about what they don’t want.  It can be a process of elimination, when you know what you don’t want, but becoming clear on what you do want, is much more rewarding!  So spend some time dreaming, wishing, hoping… and something good will come up.  Don’t hesitate to think outside of your normal thoughts…in fact, make a list of 100 things, places, actions of what you would like to have, do or be.  It will take some time, but it is also worth knowing what direction your thoughts can go in, and how much is in the world for us to be a part of!  Ok, do that now… I’ll wait

Now, the next step: realize it! In order to bring a dream or goal to reality, you need to create your first step.  If I want to sail around the world, my first step isn’t to buy a boat.  It is to learn to sail!  But in fact, the real first step is to find out where I can take lessons, and sign up.  A lot can be revealed in the first step, and many people get hung up here. Sometimes, people even shy away from realizing their first step because of a fear of not having the dream be a dream anymore.  This is important.  Each time we move in a direction of having what we really want in our lives, we reveal so much about ourselves.  We can then become more aware of ourselves and our true happiness.  We can concentrate on being where we want to be, knowing we are the creators of our own actions.  Take one of the goals, dreams, or actions from your list of 100, and determine your first step!

Receive it: When we become so caught up in ourselves, our misery and what we don’t have, we can miss the opportunity that is being handed to us.  The 3rd part of having a life you want, is receiving it when it comes to us.  It doesn’t always show up in clearly printed letters “To…, here is the gift you have been waiting for!”  If it did, it wouldn’t be as powerful.  Learning to recognize the gifts & messages is part of increasing your awareness.  Everything begins from something, and sometimes that something is small, but can be just as meaningful.  I remember a story of a ship sinking, and a man giving up the life ring because he was waiting for god to save him.  Then he gave up his spot in a life raft, because he would wait for god to save him.  Then he gave up his seat on a helicopter, becasue again, he was waiting for god to save him.  When he drowned and met god at the pearly gates, he asked ” why didn’t you save me?”  God answered ” I tried. I sent you a life ring, a life boat and a helicopter, and you refused them all!”

Think about what you want.  Start the action of realizing what you want, and build it into a reality with one step, then another, then another.  And finally receive the messages and opportunities that will come to you,  as you strive toward your goals! And most of all, enjoying learning about yourself more and more through the processes.  ~Living Life In:Creases: Leah

Each one of us is unique.  We have our own way of doing what we need to do.  One person interprets differently from the next.  Happiness is found in so many ways, and can be expressed in as many other ways.  The trap that we sometimes become grappled by, is getting caught in what ‘we are supposed to do’, or matching an expectation that is only an illusion in our minds.  How do we escape the obligation that we blanket ourselves with?
Discover your Recipe of Happiness! Some people, at this moment, would prefer to open up an already made book and choose an established recipe.  That is fine to do… and then eventually make it unique to you. Because eventually you will!  Some people are elated to design, re-design, or create their own recipe, and just needed a catalyst to get started.  Now you may ask, “how do I do this? how do I find my recipe for happiness?”  Well, the answer is easy… live according to your values, and you will find happiness.
The missing step for many is, not knowing what their values are.  These are a part of you, that will be honored, whether it is through negative or positive behavior.  If you are similar in your thinking, that positive behavior is more rewarding than negative, then you are on the right track!  Unfortunately, a lot of people have learned and nurtured negative behavior to honor their values, because they are gaining a result, but not without pain or an emotional ‘cost’ to themselves or someone else.  How would your life change if you could be happy by positively honoring your values (essentially, yourself!) and having that feeling ripple out to others?
Start asking yourself “what are the ingredients to my happiness recipe?”  and see what comes up.  To give a hint, sometimes values are sheep in wolves clothing!  Assertiveness is a value for someone, but may be misinterpreted as someone being a ‘control freak’.  When you can identify your values, then it is easier to see how you are representing them negatively and positively, by how you act or by choices you make.  Now you can begin making choices to honor your values positively, with better, happier results.   Now who wouldn’t want that?
Leah’s recipe of Happiness
Adventure, accomplishment, connection, giving, freedom, recognition, excitement.. of course mixed vigorously with Love!

Living Life In:Creases   How do you want to live yours? ~ Leah

It is always amazing to me, how fast time goes by.  I remember when I was 6 or 7 yrs. old, thinking “how am I ever going to graduate school, if life moves at such a slow pace?!” Now the thought is “how am I ever going to get everthing done, with life moving so fast?!”

With that thought being at the front of the line, I have to encourage those who may have the same thought… take a Time Out! Not only does a Time Out become a great way to recupperate for an undetermined length of time (could be 5 minutes or 5 days), it also solifies the importance for us to individually take good care of ourselves.  Many experts, enthusiasts and caregivers, also call this Self Care.  Whatever term you need to call it, in order to practice it, should be engaging, important and meaningful so you WILL in fact make time for yourself.  I like to call it my re-charge time.

During that re-charge time, I eat, sleep, exercise, read, listen to music, or send some emails to reconnect with the world.  This time is non-negotiable, and I am often alerted to a re-charge as simply as a grumbing stomach or time to use the rest room!  Pretty simple right?  I recently worked with people who didn’t eat all day, or go to the bathroom and became overtired due to their great dedication to getting a job done. This resulted in feelings of stress, hunger (lightheadedness), some levels of resentment and trading stories of how little each person had eaten or ‘hard done by’ they were that day.  I remember once upon a time, thinking that this was the typical and only way to work in ‘corporate’ settings.  I thought to myself that I wouldn’t cut it being corporate. Therefore I became an Active Travel Guide, and found myself at times not having time to eat, go to the bathroom or sleep also!  What I discovered then, was our inability to take time for ourselves weighed heavily not only on us as individuals, but also on our work partners, clients, friends, life partners and other people we come across even if for a moment.

We all know this to be true:  We need to take care of ourselves first in order to give good care to others.  So how do we begin nurturing that thought without feeling selfish?  First off, when a person begins to really take care of themselves, more time and energy is available to give to others.  This lessens the feeling of just trying to make it ‘through’ or hoarding for oneself in case another opportunity doesn’t present itself.

So if you are feeling the need to begin to care for yourself, then I encourage you to begin with the simple steps of: Eat when you are hungry (healthy eating can be inserted here   Use the bathroom immediately when needed (why wait when you can increase your level of comfort in a matter of minutes?).  And get outside and play… this can be displayed in the form of exercise, yard games, gardening, watching a sunrise or sunset, walking to the grocery store.  If you already do well in the mentioned areas, then I encourage you to think one step bigger… What else can you do that will display meaningful consideration for yourself? Anything that changes your pace, and is meant just for you to take a wonderful Time Out.

Enjoy.  Living Life In:Creases    ~  Leah

Monday, May 4, 2009

As many thoughts race through my mind… I encourage myself to choose my first entry. One of the requirements of being a Life Coach, is to “walk the talk”. So here I go with being a product of my own examples!

Step 1! Think about what you dreamed of having in your life, and bring those thoughts back to the front of your mind.
As LIFE can take on an identity separate from us, our life dreams become more and more distant. In the past I have said to people, “we have one life to live, as we know it… how do you want yours to be lived?” This allows us to regain the dreams we once had, refine them, and begin to put them into action.
Why would you wait? Some people wait til their life becomes unbearable before needing to change. Others, are in such constant change, that they are just keeping up with the curves and corners! Then there are some, that strive to live with curiosity, calculated change, and a sparkle in their eyes at the excitement about what their next adventure will be. How do you want to live?
Back to Step 1! This is your chance to create your ‘Dream list’. You can even call it your Goal list, Bucket List, Things I want to do before… list, Don’t want to miss out on … list. I think you get the point. It isn’t so much about what to call it, but more so about getting the action started. Don’t hold back, because in this exercise, there are not any limits. Examples of what may be on your list: Travel to Italy. Learn to play guitar. Speak a foreign language. Buy a house. Find happiness
Now what? This is your chance to look at your list and start to visualize it happening. Most people are not fully aware of the power of thought. This begins with positive powerful thinking. If you are somewhat of a skeptic, I encourage you to keep a mental list of how often you think about how things will ‘work out’. You may surprise yourself about how correct you are… but also surprise yourself about being correct on how you didn’t want it to work out! You know what ‘they’ say…”be careful what you wish for!” Now here is your opportunity to begin the craft of positive thinking. What have you got to lose?
“When you change your thoughts, you change your world.” ~ Leah